😯 What do you do when you don’t like yourself?
We've all felt it at least once (but most likely multiple times), that feeling of wishing we were different. Maybe in the way we look or the way we sound. Maybe we wished we were born into a different family, had a different job, had different opportunities. We have all felt that feeling of not liking ourselves.
But, we have to face it – no matter what we do we will never not be ourselves. Yes, you can change how you look on the outside. Yes, you could move somewhere new, get a new job, adjust your personality, but none of those things will change anything on the inside.
If we don't like ourselves, love ourselves, then nothing we do will ever be good enough. We will just stay in the cycle of trying to change everything. The answer to this dilemma isn't change, it's contentment.
When we're CONTENT with who we are, where we are, and how we are, it helps squash the self-loathing and self-pity.
So, what do you do when you don't like yourself? I'm not a professional by any means but I have also been through the wringer with insecurity and I've come up on the other side. These are things that have made a difference for me.
1. Find the LIE
You are believing a lie about yourself. It's probably something someone did or said to you, maybe as a child. You may remember it clearly, exactly who it was and where you were when it happened. Or maybe you feel like you just always felt this way, for you're whole life. That feeling was kickstarted inside of you, babies don't come out of the womb not liking themselves. Maybe it was triggered by a person or maybe by an event. Someone's words or someone's actions.
We have to recognize what it is we've been believing. Some examples of lies:
"I'm stupid." "I'm fat." "I'm dirty." "I'm a loser." "I can't be successful." "I'm just like (fill in the blank) "I'm a whore." "I'm a freak." "I'm alone."
"No one likes/wants/loves me."
Do any of those resonate with you? Maybe they bring to mind the lie you've been living with. They are lies. Whoever told you those things or made you feel that way, was wrong. They were just as hurt and confused as we now are. Hurt people, hurt people.
We have to realize that the person who caused the feelings of self-hate or insecurity in us only has as much power as we give them.
When you know what the lie is that you've been believing, you can start countering it with specific truths.
"My brain is wired differently." "I'm beautiful." "I'm not what happened to me." "I'm a victor." "I have a future." "I can change my destiny." "I'm not alone." "I am loved." "I matter."
You have to get used to speaking positively to yourself. Research shows that for every criticism we need 5 compliments to cancel it out. For every foul word said to us we need five positive ones. But, we can't only rely on other people to give them to us. We have to be comfortable telling ourselves the positive truth.
2. Write down 5 things you like about yourself; whether it’s physical, personality traits, gifts, or talents.
If you can't think of anything then think of something you don't like (cause that always seems to be easier) and put a positive spin on it. You don't like your body? Write down that you LOVE your body, even if you don't yet – you will.
Say it until you believe it. Confidence is whatever truth you're believing about yourself.
Keep the list handy so you can ENCOURAGE YOURSELF when those negative feelings come knocking because they will. The battle with our minds is a lifetime one. We will never be fully immune to our own negative thinking.
But, we can be armed with the tools to make sure we don't stay in that thought.
3. DON’T go looking for other people to make you feel better.
Like I said in the beginning, this all has to start with you. At the end of the day, if you don’t love yourself, no one else can either.
Other people didn’t create you. They don’t define you. Their words will hurt as much as you let them, don't let them hurt forever. Don't spend your life based on other broken, insecure people. Cause guess what! We're all a mess! We all have days of not liking ourselves, we all have bad days.
If you continue to search for validation in other places you'll only find momentary relief. But when you're back home, by yourself, all the negative thoughts and emotions will come rushing back. You have power over your mind, not anyone else.
4. If you believe in God, ask Him what He likes about you.
Talk to God, ask Him to show you how He feels about you. And just listen. He’ll bring an image to your mind or a memory or a word or a feeling. That’s God speaking.
I follow Jesus and He has healed my mind and my heart. Of course, bad days come, but I know what my Savior thinks of me. I know that He loves me. God can help us in more ways than we can even imagine. If you want to give Him a chance, you won't regret it. Feel free to DM me on Instagram or comment here if you'd like to have a conversation about it.
Below are some resources:
1. The 4:8 Principle by Tommy Newberry: This is where The 4:8 Principle grabs our attention. First, the author skillfully persuades us to acknowledge the link between the thoughts we choose to think and the joy we experience. Next, he shows us how we can grow our potential for joy by refusing to dwell upon the problems and pressures that are enduring and inevitable. Finally, he challenges us to pay the price of joy by becoming "extraordinarily picky" about what we read, watch, and listen to on a consistent basis.
2. How to Be an Imperfectionist: The New Way to Self-Acceptance, Fearless Living, and Freedom from Perfectionism by Dr. Caroline Leaf:
What You'll Discover:
The lesser-known, but most damaging form of perfectionism almost every person has
A simple-to-apply technique to have unshakable confidence
Why perfectionism hurts performance and the rare exception where it helps
And more!
https://amzn.to/3ojDBOp
3. Look at You, Girl by Caitlin Zick: Look at You, Girl is a book for girls and women of all ages. It is a kickstart to seeing yourself the way God does a bit more clearer. Girls, we invest so much in our looks, but do we ever slow down and look inside?
4. Leap into Love: Living Present to my Purpose on the Planet by Havilah Cunnington: Leap Into Love is a guidebook to helping followers of Jesus learn how radical love and acceptance of their physical frame could change their whole lives.
I hope this post helps you start on your journey to self-acceptance. Check out the resources above, they are life-changing! Talk soon!
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